While we are working on life, is death really that far out of our reach?
I've often had these experiences where I find myself cut off from my life, as if I'm watching someone else go through the routine and I, stand apart, some six metres away and watch it all happen. The past couple of days has been like a re-introduction to death; death of so many feelings, emotions, dreams, feeling the air go into my lungs and I exhale and for a span of time I do neither and there is this gap where I'm just still in the real sense of the word...no air going in, none coming out and I just stay, holding the moments together, wondering if I stay just like that, will my heart completely stop beating?
Another thing happened later the same evening, I was driving, suddenly with the rain just beginning a drizzle, listening to one of those usual 'I'm morose' kind of songs and there I start wondering what it would be like to die just now. I just got detached from the whole thing again and actually wondered if I would feel pain if I just simply crashed into something. In my mind at that moment I thought not. It would just finally be over and like the person I am, I had to get myself back to my body and begin to feel again - a different pain; the pain of having to live, the pain of having to smile and the pain of having to bear it all alone, when it could just be as simple as...
Copyright Saanjh@2010
Life has to carry on ..no matter what or who is concerned..you are a fighter..my inspiration to live..I can't accept the first half of what you have written..its not you.
ReplyDelete@Motifs - The first half describes the pain I went through in 2005 for him and yet...I held on and did everything to be with him.
ReplyDeleteLife will carry out. Oh How empty to be thus!