Being a Mother

I have my doubts sometimes of whether I am a good mother or not. There is guilt but there also is a daily reckoning of what was okay for today or not. One day at a time…none of us were trained to be mothers or fathers. It is not something that comes with a preset experience. It is something a parent learns. My little one teaches me a thing or two everyday…knowingly or unknowingly. I teach her too…and the learning goes on…

There are times when a parent goes through this frustration of having to do what is best for the child and yet not prejudice him/her for the future. I know the kind of kids we were and I think we should place ourselves in their shoes, think back and see for ourselves whether it was okay for us from the perspective of a child too before we lay too many demands upon them.

I see in my daughter a free spirit, a person at ten who can tackle what comes her way. She has learnt to brave it and walk over it. Yes she has her heartbreaks over which she does cry. I let her. She has not yet got the rat-race syndrome. I let her be who she wants to be except for the decent behavior part where I really can be a pain. I don’t ever wish to change that equation for her. 

I have demands on her behavior - say sorry, please, thank you, excuse me, and the hellos. Her studies have never been an issue for me. She's ten so I haven't gotten myself into the parental rat race of pushing her. She has her own sense of self-respect that makes her do her assignments on time. I really don't have the time and I'm fortunate I have a kid who is responsible enough at ten to do what she needs to do.

 I hope to God I do not push her to sacrifice her childhood days to slog beyond what is necessary for her to achieve a respectable grade. What will be respectable then is beyond me right now. It scares me when I see other parents of kids in her class, nag their kids, push and prod. 

- Saanjh