Making Sense - Naah!

I sit late night, watch the sky. Even the clouds are hazy and stars faded, so much like everything that meant the most to me in life. Why does every sentence spoken have to be bitter and a resounding slap on the face? A slap doesn't hurt cause the sting burns your face. It hurts because it is an insult to your self-esteem, to your sense of being you. Fuck it hurts and it hurts bad. 

Words can hurt like that. Action and the lack of it witnessed in the course of the day can hurt like that. Here laughing and happy one minute and punching your stunned guts the next.

I don't know about tomorrow which kind of leaves me to live day to day, too afraid to borrow from the sunshine because the clouds are turning grey. What have I to worry and what have I not. All standing like a commonplace soldier waiting for the next command.

Its all in the mind...however love is a resident of the heart. That's where the mess starts. The heart beats a resonance the mind has no frigging clue about.

 

Value the person not for what you see and perceive today but for what the person has been so far and can be tomorrow. There are possibilities everywhere.

Waqt ne kiya...it is such a beautiful song. But, I don't want that regret of having parted ways. 

I die a different death every day. Our relationship dies a bit every day as well. The distances are immeasurable sometimes. I am tempted to stop trying. You may gather something that breaks and attempt to mend it. Most people who care do that because it is important enough in their lives to repair. Who throws away someone just because...gosh...I don't even know just because why. 

I want to be loved. I don't want this to burn to ashes. The flames lick my soul and my heart. My heart will stop beating someday but what about the burning soul that will ever burn. What about that? 

Fuck! I sound desperate. I am. I sound lost. I am. I sound bereft of care. I am.

I sound like I wish I was dead. Perhaps, I am.

I don't even make sense anymore. 


I can't talk to him any more. I am really lost. For six years, he has been my every waking thought and through the day he has been there. He haunts my dreams. 

Haunts. 

Copyright Saanjh@2010