Are we afraid of ourselves?

What is it that holds us together? What is it that makes us stop when we know what we are doing is right by our own convictions? Why do we need to explain everything? Why do we need to draw conclusions? How much time do we spend in running after money? How much time do we spend journeying within ourselves?

The revelation of what and who we are and how we can address our own spiritual needs is a journey that is full of awe, amazement and wonder. It is like getting under your own skin to know yourself, to try and understand what holds you together and what limitations we bind ourselves making rules all the time about almost everything. We are such an opinionated lot. We judge everything that comes to us. Among all the things we learn we seem to take a much longer time to learn to just be…to just feel, to just touch, see, hear, smell, taste without making a judgment about what we see, hear, touch, taste smell, feel. There is a purpose to everything in life; a purpose to you and me existing, a purpose to our being, to our possessing senses, to having a body.

Why are we so afraid to look within ourselves?

- Saanjh

Being a Mother

I have my doubts sometimes of whether I am a good mother or not. There is guilt but there also is a daily reckoning of what was okay for today or not. One day at a time…none of us were trained to be mothers or fathers. It is not something that comes with a preset experience. It is something a parent learns. My little one teaches me a thing or two everyday…knowingly or unknowingly. I teach her too…and the learning goes on…

There are times when a parent goes through this frustration of having to do what is best for the child and yet not prejudice him/her for the future. I know the kind of kids we were and I think we should place ourselves in their shoes, think back and see for ourselves whether it was okay for us from the perspective of a child too before we lay too many demands upon them.

I see in my daughter a free spirit, a person at ten who can tackle what comes her way. She has learnt to brave it and walk over it. Yes she has her heartbreaks over which she does cry. I let her. She has not yet got the rat-race syndrome. I let her be who she wants to be except for the decent behavior part where I really can be a pain. I don’t ever wish to change that equation for her. 

I have demands on her behavior - say sorry, please, thank you, excuse me, and the hellos. Her studies have never been an issue for me. She's ten so I haven't gotten myself into the parental rat race of pushing her. She has her own sense of self-respect that makes her do her assignments on time. I really don't have the time and I'm fortunate I have a kid who is responsible enough at ten to do what she needs to do.

 I hope to God I do not push her to sacrifice her childhood days to slog beyond what is necessary for her to achieve a respectable grade. What will be respectable then is beyond me right now. It scares me when I see other parents of kids in her class, nag their kids, push and prod. 

- Saanjh